I’m still doing well.  I’ve been walking around with a smile on my face for weeks.  It’s been very, very nice – I must say.  I think it’s deserved after what I’ve been through for more than a year now.    At this point I’m just enjoying life the best I possible can.

Despite what I’m going through in my life the happiness another person brings you can really make all the turmoil swirling in your mind less frightening and stressful.  The turmoil is still there…spinning in my head…but it’s more manageable right now.

My house isn’t selling, my job is a giant question mark, my anxiety is not in perfect shape but I feel good inside.  My heart feels happy.  My side business is doing well and is picking up amazingly but it’s all a lot to handle all at once.  Again, I feel like anything is possible when I’m feeling good inside my heart.

The reason I’m happy is because of a guy that is most everything that others in my past have never been for me.  He is younger than I am by a number of years but at a certain point in your life I don’t think that matters anymore…I hope it will never become an issue for me.  He treats me with so much respect, admiration, and love.  He genuinely cares about my interests and hobbies and wants to enjoy them with me even if it’s not something he’s into himself.  He likes to go out with me, he likes to dance and have a good time.  He met my family and wants to meet my friends.  He gives me his undivided attention and puts me first.  He actually listens when I am talking and  he actually remembers things I tell him.  He lives quite a distance from me which is tough but it’s worth the effort to see him.  I didn’t know where this would all go when it began but I can say  he’s become a real an angel in  my life.

I haven’t put a definition on the relationship because there is no pressure to at this time.  It’s just the beginning of (hopefully) good things to come.  I’m enjoying each day as it comes and I enjoy his company as much as I can see him.  I’m tired of being sad.  I’m tired of everything that as brought me down for so long since everything started changing in my life.

Life has not been very fair for a very long time.  It’s just not fair to have one thing after another go wrong over and over.  I’m sick of the bad luck.  I believe I’m a good person.  I know that I deserve to be happy and I’m allowed to be happy.  I’m allowed to have something good in my life…finally.

We’ll see where this goes. I can only hope to a better and better place everyday.

On another note…after a little over 3 months —- I got an instant message from GI GUY yesterday out of nowhere — saying he knows its been a while and that I probably dislike him by now, but he hopes I’m doing well and wanted to say hello.  What a stupid ass.  What a very stupid guy.  I will not be replying although I wish I could tell him off.  I wish he could know and understand how he made me feel but I am smart enough to realize that it won’t mean a thing if he knows how he hurt me.  He is selfish.  He is a liar.  He was my friend for so long and I’ll never understand how he could do this to me after all of those years of friendship.

He wasn’t the right guy for me and would never be the guy I wish he was. I don’t need someone that isn’t right for me in my life again…I already had it for 10 years.  If someone isn’t meant to be you can’t make them be.  I’m really glad the dummy stopped talking like he did.  It took a while for me to feel better but I got over it.  I don’t know what I was trying to accomplish.