So, where I last left off was feeling bad and lonely… I was afraid to meet someone new as well.  I was worried that after what I had been through that I may end up hurting someone.

Well, things have changed since then.  I’m happy today, I was happy last week, I was happy the week before that.  I’ve had a happiness streak in my life recently.   I can’t define “it” for you but I can say that I’m happy right now. 

2008 was the suckiest, most terribly rotten, horrible, sickening, putrid, disgusting, saddest year every in my life.  2009 is on it’s way to being great.  It will stay great if there is anything I can do about it.  Despite the fact that I’m losing my job after many, many years there I can say that because I’m happy right now I’m not even focusing on that.  I can’t even let that bring me down right now.

Feeling like this is great. I haven’t felt this way in so long.  I am enjoying ever moment of it for as long as it lasts.  I’m not going to define it…I’m not going to think into the future of it.  I’m just enjoying TODAY.  That’s how I’ve laid it out on the table.  I like where it is, I don’t know where it will go, but I feel good and I need that.  I’m not getting any pressure and there is an understanding of where I am right now which is more than I could have asked for.

After all the things that have happened to me in a row I think I deserve a little happiness.  I think I deserve someone to treat me with care, respect, adoration, and love.  I deserve someone who cares about what I want, wants to take care of me the best way they know how, is attracted to me and makes me feel beautiful, someone who puts my needs in front of their own, who is not selfish, and even wants to take me out and have a good time.  I deserve the oppositte of what I had before that obviously didn’t work for me.

I can’t believe how different this feels.  After 10 years of being with someone else (from my early 20’s) I forgot what this all feels like.  After jerk #2 entered my life after jerk #1 left I wasn’t sure if I’d contunue to get jerk after jerk after jerk. Luckily I did not.  Even if this goes no where I will know what I SHOULD feel like.  I will know what I desreve and never be able to settle for less in life.

I feel happy.  I am happy. NOW.  Don’t know what the future will bring but who the F*ck cares!