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I’ve been contemplating so many things lately. Some things really have been getting to me more than ever and I don’t know what’s bringing it on more right now. It’s kinda painful.
Is it the holidays? Winter coming? Is it just time dragging on without changes?
Loneliness is sometimes really so unbearable.
if this is cryptic, I apologize. It’s late and I’m tired…and lonely.
Ever feel like ick but can’t put your finger on why? Or maybe the answer is there in the back of your head but you won’t let it come to the front…
Last night I felt like this and now tonight I feel like this.
It seems to happen when I have a great night with friends and then the night is over and I come home to my empty, lonely big ol house. It’s like I don’t want the company to disappear and I don’t want to ever go home.
I know it’s normal to feel like this but it doesn’t make it better.
AlwaysKnewWe’dBeFriends sent this to me and I thought all of the statements were very poignant. Some are hard to swallow because I know a lot of them are true & very valid points. When you see such stark statements they really jar your reality.
It was actually a bit uncomfortable reading a few of these…mainly because they made me THINK very hard, made my heart ache, made me wonder why loving another human being has to be such hard work sometimes.
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage…
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you… a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals… look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.
Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes… when a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother’s house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” ~ Sex in the City
I know about the me that I love. Now I just have to discover the someone that loves the me that I am and will take care of me the way I should be taken care of…treat me right…and never let me go. You can’t look for this someone…they will just appear in your life. If you’re looking for love you’ll never find it.
I am a pretty patient person but I’ve never had to wait for this in my life. There always seemed to be someone but now patience is certainly a virtue more than I have ever experienced. Somehow all the wrong guys like me and I don’t want them “that way.” It’s kind of depressing to say the least.
And the ones you wish loved you break your heart into a million tiny pieces when all you want to do is love them and be loved back.
Sometimes we look for love in the wrong places and I’ve never been so stubborn before as I am now. I’ve never let someone break my heart as I have now. And yet I don’t scream at them and tell them how terrible they are and how they make me sometimes. I say somethings but then I don’t unleash all of my feelings. I don’t know why. I just can’t. I normally don’t let people take advantage of me and yet I cannot cry out the things I’d like to say. I really don’t know why that is.
Even after all of the advice I get or give to others in this same situation I cannot follow their advice and I cannot take my own. Is it the challenge? Is it not being able to make them head over heels like you think they should be that keeps you hanging on and trying and trying?
I know all the things that have made me feel bad. I know all of the things that have made me feel good. Seems the bad may outweigh the good sometimes and yet I still don’t kick them to the curb. The situation is complicated and I don’t understand it so I don’t think I can make anyone else truly understand it either. I can’t make anyone understand why I am doing what I am doing.
It’s something I need to figure out in time and deal with myself. No matter how many times I’m told to let this go and not let myself be hurt because I don’t deserve it…something sucks me back in. If I ever figure out why I’m making this mistake I’ll be sure to share it with the world because if I can figure this out it will be a miracle. I don’t know what will snap me out of this. Maybe it’s being REALLY hurt that will do it. But so far I must not have been REALLY hurt yet…sure felt like I have been at times but maybe it’s just semi-hurt right now. And then the “sweet nothings” brainwash me again into ignoring the hurt.
Maybe it’s a case of the fact that we all want to be loved and when you are lonely and have nothing anything feels better than nothing. I’m a smart girl and I think I have a lot of common sense and this is why I try to rationalize my situation in so many different ways but maybe I’m just NOT being rational for once in my life. And that’s okay. Time heals everything…I just need time to figure out what’s right for me.
Right now I’m not closing myself off to any possibilities. No one ever should, because you never know what will happen if you stay open. Right now nothing is coming my way except those I have no interest in.
Sometimes I wonder if I will be alone for a really, really long time. Things aren’t the same as they were when I was in college and guys were everywhere….seems most of the good ones are taken and others we want and like aren’t the “good ones” that you deserve.
I just ask that you don’t judge me if I keep making the same mistakes over and over again…it must be something I have to do right now in my life for some strange reason. I don’t understand it as much as you don’t. It’s just how it is right now. I can’t help it.
I think the loneliness is getting to me. That’s what I think.
Question to ponder…
When there were two people in a relationship why is there always one person who has the upper hand? Why does it always seem that one person has more control over the relationship than the other? Are you ever really on even playing ground?
