I have pretty bad luck it seems.  I had a little cut inside my mouth on my lip.  It made my lip a little fatter than usual. No big deal UNTIL I’m at a fun work team luncheon where we got a great lunch and I bit my lip in the same place so hard that it drew BLOOD—yes blood is my mortal enemy (in addition to anxiety).

The pain shot right through my entire body and I screamed to myself “Oh no – not again!”  I tried to sit there.  I tried to get past it.  I made it 2 minutes before I started to feel the panic rise (I really have the worst luck with this lately, don’t I?) I kept looking down at my hand after I would touch my lip and kept seeing blood.  I tried to wipe it away with my napkin but it kept bleeding.

I told my friend sitting next to me what happened and I could see her calmly keeping an eye on me.  Eventually I told her I needed to leave the room.  I got out and sat on the floor in the hallway and she stood there with me.  Eventually I got up and went into a nearby empty office of a co-worker and sat on the floor there until I felt better.  Then I graduated to sitting in a chair.  Then I decided that I was feeling better enough to re-join the group.  So we headed back in.

I felt okay and was actually able to eat the rest of my lunch and have a few good laughs with my co-workers.  Thank got it passed.  I was not in the mood to go through the horror of a fainting episode again.

If any other bad thing like this happens I may stop leaving the house.  Oh don’t worry…I don’t mean that.

Other than that debacle I went back to the doctor today for my 3 week update.  She up’ed my Lexapro dosage to 20mg.  I was all for it.  I figure the more milligrams the better.  I take that pill every day with joy.  I take it out of the bottle, look at it and pop it down my throat like it will solve the worlds problems (or at least hopefully mine!)

I’m patient boys and girls.  I am.  I just hope I can be one of the many, many people (including my own family member) who can say that this medicine changed my life.  I NEED A CHANGED LIFE!

I haven’t talked about my guy situation and at this point, I don’t think I really want to.  It’s something I’m trying to deal with internally and haven’t felt the need to write it all up here lately.  If I need to I will…but for now it’s hard enough thinking of it in my own head let alone write it out here….

On another note my divorce is closer to being final.  The settlement was drawn up and anyday now I will get a copy to sign and then the next step is the court date.  Once I have that it will be official.  I will be a SINGLE and take back my maiden name.  I will be officially starting over. Woop de do. Yip – e.  Throw a party.