Well friends, I made it through Day 1.  It was a giant hurdle that I tackled like a big burly football player!

I didn’t get a sick stomach, throw up violently, foam at the mouth, have the shakes, dizziness, faint, or any of the other hundred things that can go wrong when you put a new medicine into your system.  But it’s only been 11 hours since I took it so you never know what can happen.

Tomorrow is little white pill #2, then comes #4, #5, #6, #7 until day 8 when I must take 2 white pills a day.  If it keeps going as smooth as this I will have no issues with taking whatever they tell me (dosage wise).

The only issue I will have is if I don’t feel better.  That will be the the only hard part about this.  The waiting for weeks.  We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, I guess.  But hell, I’m getting used to waiting for things in my life.  I never used to have patience for waiting.  Now I’m “Ms. Patient” (for lot of things).

I’m just still a little confused as to how I will know if it actually DID work…sometimes I don’t have panic for a really long time and then lately I’ve been having it multiple times in a week for no reason!  So, I won’t know exactly.  And I’m not sure how the epiphany will just come over me that I will no longer need to be scared.

I heard from GIGUY again.  He apologized for being so busy and that he hasn’t been able to talk.  He was worried how I was so I let him know that I’m doing okay and I hope to be back to my old self (or an even better self soon) and I threw in a joke that said “I wonder why I like you so much” and he replied “I guess I’m just really lucky.” He said “he’ll call when he can and that he hopes I’m okay.” I told him “he’s more than lucky! and that I’m a tough girl and I will be okay.  I said he didn’t have to worry about me (well, maybe a little bit doesn’t hurt) and that I’d talk to him when he could” (I’m just trying to be more non chalant).  Then he replied one last time to say that “he agreed he was more than lucky and that he missed me.” I decided to just leave it at that.  I didn’t want to keep going back and forth forever on text…just a few to see he’s thinking about me is enough.

I’m getting used to the not talking to him as much and just living my life.  When he is able to chat more (probably when he gets to Iraq…which is quite ironic that there is more down time there here in the US but I guess it makes sense because training should be MORE grueling to prepare you) then we’ll chat at that point.

If he didn’t want to talk and communicate with me anymore then I would think he would have told me by now so that he wouldn’t be bothered by me anymore.  My friends believe he is into me but his mind is else where.  I’m just the one who over analyzes everything and makes it out to be worse than it is.  I’ve made him sound like a demon in many former blog posts and I look back and I wish I didn’t.  I wish that a week or two ago that I felt the way I do now… (which is NOT AS TORTURED by the whole thing…jeeze, you’d think my medicine was working already LOL!).

I guess all I truly wanted/want from him was a little attention and to show he actually “digs” me and I’d be fine in the interim while I’m alone and starting over…

Seriously, though, I’m not as tortured by the whole situation as of right now.  Maybe it just took time to get there and not feel as heartbroken or “left behind.”  Who knows how the mind works…I certainly don’t!