Games. Now this is a hot topic for me.
Now, I’m not talking about the Pac Man, Super Mario Brothers or Donkey Kong…PlayStation, Xbox, or Wii “games”- I’m talking about relationship games. Games played between the opposite sex. Unnecessary torturing of each other emotions in the beginning of a budding relationship. Those games!
I have pondered the need for these games for years and years and I constantly wonder why they exist.
Should I call him?
Why isn’t he calling me?
Is he thinking of me?
Why didn’t he reply to my email?
I just called him 3 hours ago…I can’t call him again, can I?
What do you think he means when he said XXX in this text message?
What should I say to him when he calls?
Do you think he’ll like my outfit?
So do you think he’s thinking about me right now?
So do you think he really likes me?
Yes, it’s true, the secret is out. Those are some of the questions we torture ourselves with, as women. I can’t speak for all women but I know I’ve experienced all of these questions of uncertainty time and time again.
We congregate amongst our circle of friends and spend hours pondering the intentions of the men we like…the men we want to want us. The men we HOPE feel the same way we do about them (but we’re just not sure…because we can’t read them). We try to send them subliminal messages to call us…to text us…email us…to stop by and see us (something, please!!). We torture ourselves going over and over the words we’ll say when we finally hear from them (so that we can ensure we get a response from them and don’t scare them away). We think of what we should say to keep them interested and we make sure everything is written or phrased perfectly before we release our feelings.
Why go through all of this self-torture and not just be ourselves? Games….it’s games I tell ya! We have to play along or otherwise we will lose and “go directly to jail” without a “get out of jail free card.” The unpredictability of men and their emotions is something, we as women, have a hard time figuring out without a map.
I know that in the beginning of dating you’re going to have a lot of uncertainty….it’s bound to happen when you’re meeting someone new (or someone old!) and you’re unsure of where you stand with the other person. But, if you find that you really like each others company and you decide that you want to keep it going, you’re both into it and want it to continue, I think that should be the time where the guard needs to be dropped a little bit and games need to end.
Why all the uncertainty and guarded/veiled behaviors? Why all the uncertainty in the interactions between the couple when you’re creating something new, fresh, and beautiful like a budding relationship. Shouldn’t relationships be built on honesty and trust? The answer is YES so there are no need for games – especially when you are just starting out.
I’m from the school of thought (and I can’t tell you if there are any other students at this school with me *lol*) that you should be honest and upfront and in return you should receive honesty and upfront behavior in return. Why hide your feelings? Is it the fear of rejection or fear of being hurt? I’m not sure that guys think so deeply into those things but I AM SURE that if there were less games and more honesty during dating that maybe people wouldn’t get hurt so badly if things didn’t work out. If women knew where they stood and weren’t constantly guessing what guys were feeling we wouldn’t feel so bad if things ended.
I know that “guys” and “girls” are built differently…and this is why girls will probably spend the rest of their lives trying to figure out the men in their life. I’m sure the majority of men are NOT sitting home pondering how a woman feels about them. The reason they never really have to think about it is that they probably already know how their woman feels! Because a majority of us let them know!
I don’t like games. I am honest and upfront from the beginning and I make it clear that I’m not into games….I’m into honesty. It’s all I ask (but don’t always receive).
I guess sometimes guys (or girls) just can’t let their guard down. They have a hard time sharing their emotions or they just grew up in a world where you just didn’t talk about your feelings.
Games are hurtful and I don’t want to play!
*Footnote: I promise you that I’m not ignorant to the fact that NOT all men are like this…there are some good ones out there…I just haven’t found one yet!
The sickest part about this whole rant is that sometimes girls don’t seem to be as interested in “nice guys”…and you have to wonder if we secretly like the games? How’s that for a kanundrum to dissect?
7 comments
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June 19, 2008 at 12:00 am
Ava Mazur
Oh who hasn’t been part of those games. I’ve actually decided to lay down and join. I try not to worry so much when I start a relationship. Its us gals and our endless supply of hope it makes us fast fallers. Guys dont seem to have this in thier genetic makeup, it seems widely unfair to me.
June 19, 2008 at 11:17 am
Heather
the footnote has the answer to all of it-doesn’t it?
June 19, 2008 at 11:38 am
Date Girl
I think you and I went to the same school of thought. It has actually worked pretty well for me. It might cause some relationships to end faster than others, but to me those were just doomed to fail from the start. I don’t put everything out there, but I speak my mind. If I like a guy, I like them. I’m not going to do the dance, I am not a puppet!
I happen to have fallen for a guy who is a fast faller, and sensitive. He worries like I do, and he echoes what you’ve written here about worrying. I think a lot of guys do worry about their women, but they just won’t admit it. All I can say is don’t change your school of thought. Just change your men! 
June 19, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Oscars Tavern
Here’s a mans perspective. It may not always appear we look forward to communication, or are anxious for response, but we can and do sometimes. I believe its based on the level of expectation a woman or a man has. What are thier expectations? How deep is your relatonship? Just friends will chat, when convienient. Those in love make the time to communicate. So if you are in a “play” or “just friends” relationship, you can’t expect responses like lovers may. I find at times relationships that I may want to grow, I’ll give priority to. I look for response, the same way you may. I have other “just friends” that I hear from when they can, and I’m happy with that. Communication “levels” can only match if the hearts involved are at the same level. Hope this helps.
June 19, 2008 at 2:14 pm
meleah rebeccah
Games are too much for me. The head games are most exhausting. I dont know how to play The Game, I dont know what to do about the games….and I too am still looking / waiting for the ‘right guy’ IF there is such a thing
June 20, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Breathe With Me
Ava-It’s very unfair! I try to play along w/ them but they are soooo much better at it then I am. I fall way to hard!
Heather – the footnote is a big thing to ponder…
DateGirl – I’m glad you are I are on the same wavelength with that. I like you last line in your comment above. I’ll take that advice!
Oscar – I’m glad you gave the man’s perspective but I think you’re a special case. But you’re so right about hears needing to be at the same level.
Mel – This is a game that I just don’t have the instructions too! I guess we have to keep looking for that guy!
June 22, 2008 at 5:32 pm
capricornsoulsister
you gotta play to win. the trick is turning it around & wearing the pants. takes lots of practice…lol.