Photo credit vampire-zombie.deviantart.com

The lyrics at the bottom of this post resonated with me when I heard them tonight and they immediately made me feel like I had to write about them for my 1st real post on my new blog (I know…what a depressing way to start my blog but it’s the world I’m in right now so I’m running with it).

I was listening to the new Alanis Morissette Album Flavors of Entanglement. When the song “Tapes” came on and I heard the lyrics I listened a bit closer to the words of the song.

Because I’m feeling a bit down today; when I heard Alanis say “I am someone easy to leave…even easier to forget…” and “I’m the one they all run from” I stopped in my tracks. Mainly because of my situation that I’m living TODAY.

I’m not a depressed girl by any means…just someone going through a rough patch in my life and I know that I will eventually dig myself out of the hole I’m in…but…

TODAY I’m feeling that I am someone easy to leave…I guess because I have been “left.” It’s that simple. The girl who thought her life was buttoned up so nicely and thought everything was going great for her learned that wasn’t so true. There were missing buttons….and I didn’t notice until it was too late.

I’ve had a considerable amount of time to deal with that sadness and I thought I was doing unusually well until I made the very tough decision to let other influences into my life right in the middle of my healing process. I thought these other “influences” would make me happy and it turns out, that they did for a while, but then they ended up “leaving me” emotionally and physically too.

How much can one girl take, I ask?

Sometimes I find myself marinating in the mellow drama of my life…wallowing in pity until I can find a way to snap out of it –and see my life for what it really is (despite my current situation). A life that is a good life…filled with a good job, a great hobby, a great family and good friends. I’ve been fortunate enough to have good health (although I will admit we all have our “thing” that we wish we didn’t have…and I’m still learning to deal with my “thing”…more on that another day). All in all my life is one that is a blessing that I should be happy with but of course our emotions rule our lives and mine are ruling my life right now.

My friends have been GREAT. So supportive, so patient, and kind. I mention the adjective kind because their tolerance of my emotional roller coaster over the past 9 months and especially the last 6 weeks has been immeasurable! How they let me rant and rave and actually listen to me is beyond me! I keep saying that they must be so tired of hearing my soap opera but they always LISTEN and give GOOD ADVICE. I so appreciate their support on so many late night discussions about me and my life.

But, I digress from the lyrics….back to the roller coaster of my life…it’s had so many ups and downs the past 9 months or so that it’s hard not to fall into moments of sadness where the lyrics of a song catch your attention and almost make you shed a stinkin’ tear!

I’m sure I’m overreacting to my current situation but my heart is a little torn up right now. I think it’s going to take some time to heal and be able to love again and open my heart to anyone without the fear of being left behind.

So, for now…for today….

“I am someone easy to leave”
“Even easier to forget”
a voice, if inaccurate

Again: “I’m the one they all run from”
diatribes of clouded sun
someone help me find the pause button

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren’t my own
Wreaking havoc

“I’m too exhausting to be loved”
“a volatile chemical”
“best to quarantine and cut off”

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren’t my own
Wreaking havoc

“I’m but a thorn in your sweet side”
“You’d be better off without me”
“It’d be best to leave at once”

All these tapes in my head swirl around
Keeping my vibe down
All these thoughts in my head aren’t my own
Wreaking havoc”

You can hear the song HERE.